Live ferns and dead jokes

The Chief Taster is a big fan of the CW show Arrow. I watched a few episodes with her, but soon discovered I couldn't tolerate all the aspects which I perceived as tremendous shortcomings in writing, acting, and characterization, and which she perceived as not existing.  Now I generally go to another room to read while it's on, passing through only to get a drink of water from the kitchen, or when I remember that I still have dishes to do.  Occasionally, when she gets home late on a Wednesday, we don't get to have dinner until the show starts, so I'll sit in until my food is gone before going to do the dishes. (Clean dishes, much like hot meals, are one of those things she has come to assume "magically appear.")  That's how I learned that on any given episode, there is not just one, but up to four or five different archers.  Most of them are on the same secret vigilante team, hanging out in the same "arrowcave," which was spruced up with a live fern by the only person in Starling City who doesn't own a goddamned bow and arrow.

"Why did she buy a fern?" I asked.  The Chief Taster made the sort of noise she makes when I'm talking and she doesn't care, because she's trying to follow the intricate plotlines of who's giving whom the shaft (another joke I made which she refuses to add to her online forums of Arrow fans).  "She should have gotten a pet chicken," I added.  This apparent non sequitur broke her reverie.  "Wait, what?  Why a chicken?"

"Because then they could be Arrows con Pollo!"

Then she made the noise she makes when she heard me, but wishes she hadn't.  I told her to use the joke on her fan forums so I could gain Internet Celebrity and be really rich and stuff, but she has so far refused or forgotten.  I assume she's worried about losing me to my legions of new fans.

Every once in a while I make this as a reminder, but it doesn't do any good.  However, it is very tasty.

Arroz con Pollo

I use this recipe, because somewhere in my research I found something that said "true" arroz con pollo should be cooked with beer, and that seemed like a great idea, and this was my favorite recipe from the search for "arroz con pollo with beer."  I've made a few changes, though, so I'll go ahead and rewrite my version below.  Keep in mind that because I'm a gringo, it is unlikely to qualify as "true" arroz con pollo with the most exacting foodie in your life, but it's damn tasty, and you don't have to tell anyone you got the recipe from a white boy from Oregon.

4-6 strips bacon (I made it once without any bacon, and substituted some vegetable oil to saute the veggies with no problems)
8 chicken thighs, bone in, skin on (the three guys from Miami insist that if you use boneless skinless thighs, you will ruin the dish.  I tried it, because I like to challenge convention, and the results were still tasty.  Do as you will.)
salt, pepper, and cumin to season the chicken
1/2 C olive oil
1 chopped onion
1 chopped red or green bell pepper (I've never been able to find cachucha peppers)
4 cloves minced garlic
12 oz bottle of beer.  Any beer, but pick something you like, because then you can drink the other five with dinner.  Or, if you choose, share them with whoever's eating dinner with you.  Whatever.
3.5 C chicken broth
8 oz can tomato sauce
1/2 t Bijol powder (I've never been able to find this, either, so I subbed 1/2 t each of paprika and turmeric.)
1 bay leaf (following Dad's rule, whenever a recipe calls for one bay leaf, I use two.)
2 t oregano
2 t cumin
1.5 t salt
1/2 t pepper
3.5 C brown rice.  Wild rice.  whatever you have handy, really.
1/2 C frozen peas

This is where I diverge further from the Miami guys' instruction and end up just telling the story of how I made it, and why I did it that way.  If you've ever read any of my previous posts, you already knew that.

Chop the bacon into bite-size chunks.  Toss it into a good-sized skillet or saute pan.  I used something big and cast iron, because that's how I roll.  My original plan had been to use this pot for the entire process, but I quickly realized that it was nowhere near big enough.  For me, that was good news, because it meant I finally got to justify owning the enormous eight-quart stockpot that came with my original set of pans.  I'd used it a couple times for apple butter and pumpkin, but it usually just hides in the back of the cabinet, out of the way.  Now I use it for arroz con pollo and a Spanish chicken stew which I plagiarized from Panera.

Cook the bacon in whatever you're using.  We're using the fat to cook other stuff, so if you're one of those "microwave bacon" people, don't do that.  Skillet, dammit.  When it's starting to crisp nicely, transfer it to your Big Damn Pot (if you do not have a Big Damn Pot, consider reducing the recipe, or buying a Big Damn Pot).  While the bacon is cooking, season the chicken pieces with salt, pepper, and cumin.  Rub it in there good.  Then stick the chicken pieces in the hot bacon fat and brown them on all sides before putting them in the BDP with the BCN.  Keep that skillet hot, because now you're going to cook the onion, bell (or coocoocachoo) peppers, and garlic (you might want to add the garlic a little later than the veggies, so it doesn't overcook, but I've never had any trouble) until crisp-tender and the onion is translucent.  Guess where they go next?

...I hope you guessed the BDP.  Add everything else except the rice and peas.  Crank the heat, bring it to a rolling boil, reduce heat to low, cover, and cook it for 15 minutes.

Add the rice, bring it back to a boil, then reduce heat and cook it for 30-45 minutes, until the liquid is absorbed and the rice doesn't crack your teeth when you steal a bite.  When the rice is ready, stir in the peas and give it another 5 minutes of low heat.  Turn on the tube to your favorite archery-related program, open one or more of those five remaining beers, and enjoy.